What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 02.07.2025 06:51

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

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I never cut or harmed myself..

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

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His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I was very sick at this time too.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Was to survive, this bastard.

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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

One cannot live in the past .

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But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

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Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Why did i forgive my father ?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

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I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I write beautiful poetry .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

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My family never makes their pension either.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

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Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

I did it because my mum asked me too!

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I don,t even have a pension.

So, i spoilt her more .

When she asked me how she looked .

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Especially a lifetime of it.

She wouldn,t have been !

I think the readers, may guess!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Comes on , in middle age.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I waited trembling.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I was 9 years of age.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

She married twice! .

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

(And it was in our own minds.)

My life is so biszare .

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

But, we were locked up after school.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

We were not on the streets..

I couldn’t, believe it.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

I was seconnd youngest,

We all went to grammer schools

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

So whats the point in blame.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Who then, do I blame.?

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

I said to her

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

And i lived it daily.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

She loved him until the end.

She found it foreign!.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I could never make a relationship work though!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

It was going to be , some day.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

What did i know ?

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I have no regrets .

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Put me off passion for life!!

He knew the spot.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I was scared of men, in general

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

But ive been too sick for many years..

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Would this be the day?

They are buried together, in the same grave..

He resisted the act ,that day.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I will be 64.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

But it wasn’t much.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

She was in good health!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Im still living with it.

Ive learnt so much.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

This is soul school!.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

All the time i was locked up.